Wretched Writing

From Linda Fields of Framingham, Massachusetts:

The victim said her attacker was nondescript - 5' 10 and 3/4", 163 pounds, with Clairol #83N hair (a hint of #84N at his temples) — and last seen wearing Acuvue2 contacts, a white Hanes 65/35% polycotton t-shirt with a 3mm round Grey Poupon stain on the neckband, Levi's 501s missing the second button, and Nike Cross Trainers with muddy anklets.

From Mary Montiel, of Wichita, Kanas:

The goose waddled slowly, heavily, across the road, exactly the way my mother-in-law would if she were a goose.

From Christin Keck of Kent, Ohio:

She looked at her hands and saw the desiccated skin hanging in Shar-Pei wrinkles, confetti like freckles, and those dry, dry cuticles - even her "Fatale Crimson" nail color had faded in the relentless sun to the color of old sirloin - and she vowed if she ever got out of the Sahara alive, she'd never buy polish on sale at Walgreen's again.

From Lawrence Person in Austin, Texas:

Frank took one look at Tina's moderately shapely legs, her adequate waist, her decent bosom, and her not unattractive face, and said to himself "Well, hello, Miss You'll-Do-Until-Something-Better-Comes-Along!"

Excerpted from The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

[ As Read on Car Talk]