Work Etiquette

Here's something I ran across that may interest you wackos.

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
No matter what anyone asks you, reply, "Okay."
Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
Arrive at a meeting late and say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat five entire raw potatoes.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're allpresent.
Come to work in your pajamas.
Put a picture of your mother on your business card.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wearthem one day after your boss does.
Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick figures yourself.)
Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Grow mold in your coffee cup.
When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing" and leave.
Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but which didn't turn out quite right as special treats for your coworkers.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.
Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
Put those hole-reinforcing circles on the center of your eyeglasses.
Put shaving foam on your boss's telephone earpiece and dial the number. When s/he answers, say, "Squish."

Jack Mulcahy

[ As Read on Car Talk ]