New Age Corporate and Investment Acronyms


CEO: chief embezzlement officer.

CFO: corporate fraud officer.

P/E: parole entitlement.

EPS: eventual prison sentence.

BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

MOMENTUM INVESTING: The fine art of buying high and selling low.

VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower

P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BUY, BUY: A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.

STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

WINDOWS 2000: What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for$240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Someone who has owned equities for the last two years and who's now locked up long-term in a hospital.

PROFIT: Religious guy who talks to God.

Rebecca Lentz

[ As Read on Car Talk ]