July 3, 1999
Recently, one of you got himself in a lot of hot water by saying his wife looked like a truck. I'm not sure which one it was--I used to be able to tell you apart, because one of you traditionally gave better answers to car questions, but I'm afraid even that distinguishing mark appears to be gone. I believe the guilty party was TOMMY...
Anyway, I'm an EXPERT on the topic of how to make a marriage last (although my ex-wife would probably disagree), and I'm here to tell you all is not lost. You simply need to be more specific about what type of truck you are referring to. The next time you are on the road and spot some beautiful customized truck or a shining, decked-out, brand-new tractor-trailer rig, turn to your wife and say, "Hon, that's what I REALLY meant. You look like a beautiful, fully loaded truck." (Actually, you might want to leave out the "fully loaded" part.)
Also--there are any number of trucks on the road that probably look much better than your wife. It would be best not to point that out.
If all else fails, you could say that you committed a Freudian slip or vacuum leak or whatever, and that you meant to say, "My wife looks like a million bucks!"