Dear Car Guys,
We at "A Taste of Britain by Post" were saddened to hear your condemnation of our national culinary prowess. Apart from the gross injustice of your comments, we feel that since you have already alienated the French listeners you might have, it would be unwise to pursue a course of systematically lambasting European nations. As I am sure you know, we Brits are all highly educated, witty, discerning, sophisticated and cultured. We therefore comprise a large percentage of NPR's listeners, and you cannot afford to lose us. Moreover, we should be natural allies, as the British have been disdaining the French for centuries. We have steadfastly resisted their punctuation, and when we order a filet it rhymes with skillet and there is an "h" pronounced resonantly at the beginning of our herbs. We produced the Rolls Royce and the Jaguar, whereas they are responsible for the Peugeot and the Renault. To us, the greatest of all Puzzlers is, "How come the French got the good food and wine whereas we Brits got...?"
Which brings me back to your caustic comments. We love our food; we grew up with it and we cherish it. We are sending you some samples of our beloved standards. We could have sent the fancy teas, cucumber sandwiches and scones that you Yanks think we daintily nibble all day, but we wanted you to know the truth. We defy you to sample a pickled onion. To us it conjures up the pub, a slab of cheese, a pint of best bitter.
Although you are so wrong about our fare, we do feel that you were completely right about the caller's gentleman friend. An unmitigated fuss-ass who should be aired out himself.
In spite of your cruel words, we remain your devoted listeners,
Jill and Joe Browning
"A Taste of Britain By Post"